How NOT to Raise an Emotional Eater

December 27, 2022

If you suspect your child is eating more than usual, even when they’re not hungry, emotional eating may be a factor.

Sure, growing children have bigger appetites, especially when they’re going through a growth spurt. These hearty appetites lead to an uptick in eating.

It’s expected.

But, it can be difficult for parents to tell whether a child’s eating habits result from typical growth, or something else.

Ask your child what’s going on, and you might get the shoulder shrug.

Kids may not have the language to explain how they feel, and why they’re eating.

And sometimes a parent’s effort to understand and help can make things worse.

What Is Emotional Eating?

Emotional eating is eating to soothe or suppress negative emotions such as anger, fear, loneliness, boredom or sadness.

Kids eat for many reasons: food is tasty and looks good, they remember liking a food, or they eat to numb negative emotions.

Kids may even eat because they’re bored or stressed – and even happy.

How do you know if your child is eating emotionally?

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Emotional Hunger vs. Physical Hunger

When people think of hunger, they drum up images of the rumbling tummy.

However, not everyone’s signals of hunger are the same. Some people describe hunger as feeling “empty,” or feeling thirsty, or they experience a drop in energy.

Physical Hunger

There are a few signs of physical hunger in children:

cranky or having mood swings
low energy or fatigue
growling stomach
inability to concentrate
headache

If you’re not sure, you can ask your child age-appropriate questions to find out.

For young children, you might ask if their belly is hungry or if their mouth feels hungry.

Older children can describe how they feel.

Even infants can learn to use sign language to describe hunger and fullness.

Some kids may be hungry even though they’ve recently eaten.

Every day and every child is different.

Emotional Eating

The signs of emotional eating depend on what’s triggering a child to use food to soothe negative emotions.

Here are a few signs to look for:

You notice certain patterns or habits trigger cravings, like watching T.V.
Your child is sneaking or hiding food
Your child eats while doing another activity or when distracted (studying or gaming)
Unexpected weight gain
Turning to food when upset or sad

…

Emotional eating affects kids, too. Even though kids are usually more in touch with their hunger cues than adults, they may eat for reasons other than physical hunger.

…

Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash

What Causes Emotional Eating in Children?

Kids may seek food because it helps ease strong negative emotions they don’t know how to express or they don’t have the skills to self-regulate.

One study found that kids from noisy and disorganized homes are more likely to eat emotionally.

In the same study, children with responsive mothers at mealtime, or mothers who tuned in to their child’s appetite and responded appropriately, tended not to eat emotionally, despite chaos.

What Are the Risks of Emotional Eating?

The number one question I get from parents is whether they should be worried if their child eats emotionally.

Emotional eating alone is not immediately harmful to your child.

Most people eat emotionally at some point.

Occasionally eating food to comfort oneself, or enjoying food at celebrations and holidays when not hungry, doesn’t mean a child has a problem with food.

However, when a child regularly uses food to soothe negative emotions, there may be some long-term risks, including:

Coping for difficult emotions with food can turn into a habit and be hard to break
An increased risk of developing an eating disorder, like binge eating disorder
Increased body fat gain, which can lead to early puberty
Depression

One study found that emotional eating is associated with depression and a poor ability to regulate emotions.

Emotional eating may cause weight gain, but calorie restriction or placing a child on a diet is not the solution. This may do more damage, unfortunately.

Learning the skills to regulate emotions, however, is the path to emotional regulation.

How to Help Kids Avoid Emotional Eating

The first thing parents can do is to help their children identify the root cause of their emotional eating.

Once you understand the trigger, you can find the best strategies for your child.

A simple question like, “How are you feeling?” to open up a conversation with your child. As adults, we’re often better equipped to name an emotion and help our child process it.

Help your child identify their emotions by naming them. “It sounds like you’re annoyed [or angry, sad, embarrassed, lonely, etc].”

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

If You Child is Emotionally Eating, Don’t Do This

The one thing parents should never do is restrict access to food.

Food restriction often triggers the desire to eat more food.

Restriction isn’t just limiting portions or keeping sweets and treats under lock and key.

Negative comments about eating may be perceived as manipulation, restriction, or controlling food, as well.

I know it’s hard not to say something.

But as a pediatric dietitian, I see what negative feeding practices like food restriction and nagging a child about their eating can lead to: An increased risk of eating disorders, lower self-esteem and secret eating.

Instead, feeding a child with love and limits creates a positive feeding home environment.

And that’s essential for developing a child’s healthy relationship with food.